No Matter What
by MattWritesStuff
Summary: JessexKurt. Set in the summer after regionals. Kurt's summer takes an unexpected turn after spending one night in the company of Jesse St James.
1. No Matter What

The weather was heavy and humid that late Thursday afternoon - but the horrible, sticky heat was not what made Kurt Hummel's walk back from the hair salon unpleasant, but rather the sweet, sticky substance that was dripping from his hair and face, practically sending the $100 he just spent down the drain.

"CAN'T YOU JUST SAVE THAT ONE FOR SCHOOL AND COME UP WITH SOMETHING LESS REPETITIVE FOR THE HOLIDAYS?" he had yelled as he stormed away from the jocks who had given him a slushie facial that didn't seem to be as good for the skin as his products at home. Kurt couldn't help noticing that Finn was in the group of by standing footballers, and he didn't look too upset that his fellow Glee club member was getting a freezing cold sugar beverage in his face.

So be it then, Kurt thought bitterly. If that's the way you want to act… Somehow, he'd thought Finn was a decent guy. That he wouldn't just stand by if he saw that happening. Especially if it was his friend, his room mate, practically his family. The whole Glee Club had become a tight knit group of friends, even more so after the blow at regionals when Vocal Adrenaline had taken the Regionals trophy, and then gone on to win Nationals.

"Kurt."

An all too familiar voice came from behind him… For a moment he thought he must be mistaken, because after all, he had just been thinking about him… but he turned around and there he stood, Jesse St James, looking remarkably, well, gorgeous.

As soon as that thought entered his head, he banished it away again. Where on earth had that come from?

"What do you want?" Kurt said, frostily, looking up at his former rival.

"Nothing…" Jesse sounded surprised at Kurt's tone. "I just wanted to say…hi."

"Suppose you wanted to gloat about your win?"

"No. Actually. I'm rather…put out that you guys didn't at least place."

"Well, we were rather put out that you guys didn't lose mercifully to us."

Jesse grinned. "I've always liked you, Kurt."

"Oh, what's that supposed to mean?" he tried to maintain his icy tone when, really, he couldn't stop thinking about how well that genuine smile suited him, how his eyes lit up…he supposed he'd never seen him smile before, not like that.

"Nothing. Just that. I just…" he sighed, as if admitting defeat to voices in his head. "I actually wanted to talk to you. You know…in private. Maybe when you don't have slushie dripping into your eyes." he flashed another grin. "Are you okay?"

"What?" he replied, flustered. "Yes, I'm fine. Why?"

"Because you just got attacked by a drink and you seem pissed off."

"Oh. No, I'm fine. I'd just been to the salon. All their work is ruined."

"Oh I don't know…" Jesse observed his face. "You still look pretty good to me."

He has got to be kidding, Kurt thought. "So, you wanted to talk? What about?"

"I don't really wanna say it out loud."

"What, did you kill someone or something?"

"Do you want to find out?" he was starting to get his cocky tone back, which Kurt didn't like, but now he didn't feel so creeped out that Jesse was being nice.

But he thought it couldn't hurt to talk to Jesse… and, looking at his current attire, he reckoned he could give him a few fashion tips. The colours he wore certainly did nothing for his face.

"If you help me get this slushie out of my hair, you've got half an hour."

"I really like your house." Jesse commented as the two boys walked out of the bathroom and down into the basement to Kurt (and Finn's) bedroom after having saved Kurt's hair do.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. It's like, the right size, you know? I mean, you should see my parents place, its about the size of a hotel. And I love the colours in your room."

"You noticed them? I had it done last week. Finn didn't notice I'd re-decorated, then asked why I painted everything white."

Jesse frowned. "There's nothing white about these walls. It's a light blue pastel."

"Correct." Kurt smiled. As much trouble as Jesse had caused, he couldn't help being a little impressed. "Go on, sit down." he gestured to the bed, and they both sat up on it cross legged, leaning their heads against the wall.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?"

"Um… I kind of need your…help."

"Fashion? Hair style? Moisturising? Your skin looks a bit dry…"

"No." he laughed. "Kurt…when you joined Glee Club…did you tell people right away?"

"Tell them what?" he asked wearily.

"That you're… gay."

"Oh." What was he getting at?" "Uhm, no. No, I was…dishonest with myself. But I came to realise, Glee Club is about coming together, embracing our differences and singing about it. The ultimate form of expression. Nothing says what you want to more than a song. It helped me come out of myself and tell people…although they'd mostly accepted it before even I did."

Jesse nodded slowly in comprehension.

"Why?"

"Because…" Jesse turned his head towards him. "I don't want to move to LA and start another four years in a school as someone I'm not."

"Well…my advice would be…just go in there and be yourself. Don't tell anyone anything directly but don't hide it. If people ask, tell them. What is it, anyway? If you don't mind me asking."

"…Kurt, why do you think I asked you about it instead of any of the other misfits from New Directions?"

"You're not saying you're gay, are you?" Kurt blurted out, then clasped his hand in front of his mouth. "Sorry, I…"

"Correct." Jesse muttered. He slid off the bed, and stoop upright. "Well, thanks for talking, Kurt." and with that he had turned, and almost reached the foot of the stairs.

"Jesse, wait!" Kurt called desperately. "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect it."

"It's Glee Club, Kurt. Half the guys in Vocal Adrenaline are gay. But people don't expect me to be. My reputation as some kind of stud at Carmel…I hated it. I hated playing those girls who fawned over me and I loathed playing Rachel. I really did like her, and for one I had to lie to her, and then I had to lie to myself. Again, pretending to be someone I'm not. Kurt, when I stepped foot into McKinley I only had eyes for you."

Kurt gawped at him.

"Not any of the cheerleaders, or the girls from my Spanish class who had some crazy obsession with my hair, or Rachel, one of the most considerate girlfriends I've ever had, the only one I loved, but just not in that way…it was you. You inspired me, and I tried to get out of what I was doing, but Ms Corcoran had done so much for me and I couldn't just back out, but every day I started loathing myself even more…and it really broke me, and then I realised I had feelings for you. Strong ones and they weren't going away. And then I thought, I cant hide who I am anymore."

Kurt gave a small laugh.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's just…" Kurt broke off. "What do you expect from me now?"

Jesse glanced at his watch, and Kurt looked at his own just out of curiosity. It was 10pm. Already? Well, he supposed it had taken a few hours to get his appearance sorted out…

"Do you wanna go for a drive?" Jesse grinned.

"Why?"

"Don't question it. Just, if you're interested. In hanging out. Like…a date. A last minute, spur of the moment date which will include driving to probably the best late night chip shop in Ohio, eating them into the car, complaining about grease stains on your shirt and then I will of course return you back here, hopefully before midnight."

"I'm not dressed for a date." Kurt mumbled.

"Neither am I. And by the way, you still look great."

"Well you don't look so bad either."

"Good enough for me."

Kurt had to hand it to Jesse, he really seemed like a genuinely nice guy…in theory… if he hadn't ruined Regionals…and he really wasn't too bad looking…

But Kurt wasn't even fooling himself into thinking these things, because Jesse St James truly was amazing. Everything good about him shone through in his conversation, his smile, his eyes, his laugh… with every word that he said, with every glance at his face, Kurt could feel himself falling for him. It was different than it was with Finn…this was exciting. Fresh. Fun. …real.

After having what Kurt was sure were the most greasy and most delicious chips in the state, Jesse reversed out of the parking spot and began to drive down the long, dark, empty road. The rain was pelting down onto the roof of his car and the only source of light was the cars headlights and the full moon, something which Kurt hadn't seen in a while. The radio was on low, playing a long list of songs, some of which Kurt didn't recognise.

About two miles outside of Lima, Jesse pulled over at the side of the road.

"Kurt…thanks for coming out with me tonight. I had a really lovely time."

"So…so did I." he managed to gulp in reply. "Hey…just so you know…I really…" he bit his lip. "I really like you." he could feel himself going red and thanked god there wasn't much light.

Jesse laughed quietly to himself, and took his hand in his. "Do you…want to go out again sometime?"

"I would like that." Kurt said, breathlessly. Before he knew what he was even doing, he had leaned over so their faces were inches away.

"I…" but Jesse didn't say what he was going to, because apparently he had a better way of doing so. He leaned closer, and suddenly their lips were touching. And then Kurt realised that this was what kissing was supposed to be like. Long, lingering, butterflies in the pit of your stomach, exploring each other, feeling yourself melt into the other person as one. It didn't feel wrong, he no longer had that little voice in his head telling him he shouldn't be gay, no mater how proud he was of himself, because this was just so right, and he could feel that Jesse knew the same now.

All there was in the world was the rain, the darkness, Jesse St James, and the ballad playing softly on the radio.

_No matter what they tell us_

_No matter what they do_

_No matter what they teach us_

_What we believe is true_

_No matter what they call us_

_However they attack_

_No matter where they take us_

_We'll find our own way back_

_I can't deny what I believe_

_I can't be what I'm not_

_I know our loves forever_

_I know, no matter what_

_If only tears were laughter _

_If only night was day _

_If only prayers were answered_

_ Then we would hear God say_

_No matter what they tell you _

_No matter what they do _

_No matter what they teach you_

_What we believe is true_

_And I will keep you safe and strong_

_And shelter from the storm_

_No matter where it's barren_

_A dream is being born_

_No matter who they follow_

_No matter where they lead_

_No matter how they judge us_

_I'll be everyone you need_

_No matter if the sun don't shine_

_Or if the skies are blue_

_ No matter what the end is_

_My life began with you_

_I can't deny what I believe_

_ I can't be what I'm not _

_I know this love's forever_

_That's all that matters now_

_No matter what_

_No matter what _

_No, no matter_

_That's all that matters to me_


	2. This Isn't Me

Jesse St James woke up the next morning and could hardly remember why he felt so at peace with the world…until it all came back to him. Last night, coming clean about who he was. Kissing someone he had wanted to kiss for months. It had just been one of those perfect nights that he wished wouldn't be frowned upon by others if and when they found out.

But news travelled fast in Lima.

It occurred to Jesse that he wasn't quite sure what to do next. He wasn't even sure if he had Kurts number, and surely the morning after the first date was too soon to show up at his door again. And Kurt might be having mixed feelings about the previous night…best to leave it for the time being, he decided, and rolled out of his bed, unusually intent on finding something decent to put on, because a task like that should distract him. It wasn't as if Jesse had a bad dress sense, but rather that his clothes were strewn in various mountanous piles across his room, the clean ones mixed up with the worn ones. He supposed the maid stopped coming when his parents decided to extend their travels until christmas, and seemingly forgot about things like the maids salary.

And probably the electricity bill, too.

Jesse spent an unsuccesful hour trying to sort his clothes, before admitting defeat and stuffing them all into a bag. They could go to a laundrettes. And he'd get someone to clean his room. He may be a perfectionist and generally better than everyone else, but he realised that didn't apply to housework.

He gave up trying to distract himself from thinking about last night, and just lay back on his bed, eyes closed, reliving those precious moments in his car. The kiss. He didn't know how long it lasted. It felt like hours, but then again, like it was over in seconds.

All Jesse knew was, he wanted to do it again. He glanced down at the bag of his clothes and decided to take them to the laundrettes, and then maybe see some of his old Vocal Adrenaline team mates. He grabbed his keys from the top of his bedside locker, and set off down the stairs and out his front door.

As he clambered into his car and reached behind him to the back seat to look for his pack of gum, he noticed a jacket there that didn't belong to him…it was Kurts. He must have left there. Jesse smiled to himself as he took it and folded it neatly over the passenger seat. Thank god, an excuse to see him again, sooner rather than later.

He pulled up on the street outside Kurt's house and grabbed the jacket before slamming the car shut and heading up the path towards the front door, and five seconds after he rang the bell, Kurt appeared. He was not used to seeing Kurt in anything but a very fashionable outfit, but there he was standing in baggy, faded Pjs, with his hair all messed up, still looking half asleep. And it was of Jesse's opinion that he looked adorable.

"Jesse! I… I overslept, and I wasn't expecting you…"

"It's fine." he laughed at his flustered expression. "You left your jacket in my car last night. Thought you might want it, you mentioned it was new."

"Oh my god, thank you, I would have freaked when I noticed it was gone." Kurt rubbed his eyes and then took the jacket off Jesse. "Hey, I was wondering…if we could talk about last night…"

"Ruin it with rationalisations and logic you mean?" he sighed. "Kurt, it isnt going to take long for people to find out about this, and they're gonna scrutinise it and think it's wrong. Being gay isnt exactly accepted around here. Can we not just…enjoy it? I mean, if you want to… if you're not interested, no pressure…"

"No, I am! It's just… I still cant get my head around you. You're a completely different guy from what I thought you were. You're so…nice. And sweet. And funny…"

"I know. And I can show you who I really am. If you want me to… and I really hope you do. I think we could be amazing."

Kurt smiled and stepped closer towards him, falling against Jesse's chest as he took him into his arms and held him tightly. "Yeah. I think so, too."

After a couple of hours of doing, well, nothing unless lazing infront of daytime TV in comfortable, almost peaceful silence counted, Jesse remembered his laundry and the fact it was still in his car. Kurt raised his eyebrows at him as he admitted he didn't know how to turn on his washing machine.

"Right, well you are not spending £15 per shirt for a clean. I'll show you."

"What?" Jesse grinned, amused. "Are you some kind of domestic goddess?"

"Not quite, but I know the basics. Did your parents do everything for you?"

"No, Dianne the maid did."

"_Maid_?"

So, twenty minutes later Jesse was outside his house again, with Kurt, unlocking the door. Kurt had insisted that he might as well learn to wash his clothes, and Jesse didn't particularly mind if it meant they got to spend more time together…

"The post came." Kurt said as they entered the house, pointing to a few letters that had fallen through the letter box.

"Bills…bills…bills…" Jesse mumbled, looking through the envelopes. "Oh…one from Carmel…" he slid his finger under the seal and pulled out the paper inside it. "Dear Mr St James," he read aloud. "Unfortunately we must inform you of an error in your grades which means you were three credits from being eligible for graduation. Please contact us for a further consult. Regards, Melissa White, Secretary." his face became perfectly blank.

"What?" Kurt said. "How could that happen?"

"It's Vocal Adrenaline. They need me back."

"They cant just do that…"

"The oldest member of Vocal Adrenaline is 27."

"Well…what if you don't want to rejoin?"

"Doesn't matter, does it? Not gonna change my grades. Well, 'grades'."

"Jesse…" Kurt bit his lip. "Do you…I mean…going back to Vocal Adrenaline…"

"I'm not going to. I will repeat…but not at Carmel."

"What? Why?"

"Because I cant be your rival anymore and I don't want to ruin something that feels so right so early." Jesse snapped, the words coming out before he thought them through. "And I will join New Directions. And we will beat them. Show them that I'm not one of their puppets anymore."


	3. Fragile

That evening, when Kurt got home, he was starting to feel a little bit weary about Jesse…could this be another ploy? To get New Directions to fall at the last hurdle, humiliated? Kurt didn't want to believe it. He wanted Jesse to be genuine, to be the person he showed to him… No, it would be too repetitive to be a ploy. It would be just like with Rachel. Vocal Adrenaline would have to be more creative than that. They probably realised that, with Jesse gone, they were nothing.

But he knew his fellow Glee Clubbers would lean towards the ploy.

His phone began vibrating in his pocket. The Caller ID told him it was Jesse. He sighed and flipped the phone open. "Hey."

"Hey. I was just wondering if you were okay? You were acting a little weird after the whole Carmel thing…"

"Look, Jesse, just be honest with me. This isnt some repeat stunt to eliminate the competition, is it? Break my heart then sabotage the club and leave us for Vocal Adrenaline? Like you did with Rachel?"

"That's not what I did with Rachel! And no, Kurt. Look, I know its going to be difficult gaining your full trust, but we both know how we felt about eachother last night in the car. Surely that counts for something?"

Kurt knew what he meant. The dreamy daze they were both in during that kiss was not something you could fake. "I..I suppose…Jesse," his voice slid into a slightly desperate tone "please don't break me. Don't break my heart."

"Of course not."

"And I wont ever hurt you…"

He could practically hear Jesse smile. "That's good."

After that conversation, Kurt had no more doubts.

Unfortunately, Mercedes Jones did. She had dropped by Kurts place and he really couldn't not tell her. He really should have known it was a bad idea.

"Kurt, why do you trust this guy? He's a compulsive liar, or have you forgotten what he's done to us?"

"Mercedes, if you'd seen him…felt him…the way he is…you'd have no qualms in believing he's genuine."

"I'm only trying to look out for you, Kurt." her voice softened slightly. "You know what Vocal Adrenaline are capable of, and you know what Jesse did. I don't want you to be…broken by him. He'll lure you in too deep and then…"

"I already am in too deep." he muttered.

"You went on one date less than 24 hours ago!" she sighed in exasperation. "Do you not see this is how he works?"

"What is your problem, Mercedes?" Kurt yelled before he could stop himself. "People can change! And I don't even think he had to! I think he was pretending to be someone he wasn't for too long! Don't you see, he was being used by Vocal Adrenaline! And now he's getting his own back on him! And its not like he's doing it for Ms Corcoran either, because they're getting a new coach! He has no ties to them anymore!"

"Don't you raise your voice like that to me, and don't get so stroppy! Don't come crying to me when this all falls to pieces!"

"Oh you know what, 'cedes, screw you." He looked at her, disdainfully. "Get out."

He felt bad as soon as Mercedes left, slamming the door shut, because he expected her to react like that. And the others were hardly going to take it any better.

He quickly sent her a 'I'm so sorry' text, before dialling Jesse's number.

"Kurt! Was just about to text you." he sounded happy.

"Hey, Jess. Erm…I told Mercedes. About us."

There was a short silence. "I guess she didn't take it very well?"

"Not exactly." he gave a shaky laugh. "Its just that, she's been my best friend and I know shes only trying to protect me and…"

"Shush." he said soothingly. "Shh. She'll come around. Don't get worked up about it. Once she gets her head around it, she'll support you in it. I know she will. Or else I'll talk to her myself."

"She might rip your head off."

Jesse laughed. "Oh well. It'd be worth the try."

Kurt smiled. "I miss you." He was. Which was weird for him. I mean, think logically, Kurt, he thought to himself, you only saw him a few hours ago…

"I miss you too. I'll be at yours in ten?"

He was there in six. Kurt knew this, because he was counting.

It was nice. Just so nice. The darkness, the warmth of Jesse's body, lying under the duvet on Kurt's bed, like there wasn't a care in the world.

"Can we just stay like this forever?" Kurt mumbled.

"I'd like that." Jesse took his hand and locked his fingers between his.

"Am I like…I mean…are we like, dating? As in boyfriend and…boyfriend?"

Jesse grinned. "Yeah. I think so."

"I think so too." he sighed happily, cuddling closer to him.

"I don't think anything could ruin this moment for me, I'm so…" Jesse began, but stopped in his tracks as the lights turned on and a familiar voice came from beside the bed.

"What the hell is going on?" Finn gaped at the two of them.

"I forgot he lived here." Jesse whispered.

"Me too, for a while." Kurt whispered back, and then raised his voice. "I thought you were spending the night at Rachels?"

"The night, yeah. It's midnight now. I cant stay after then according to her dads." Finn looked around sheepishly. "What are you doing here, St James?"

"I'll let Kurt explain it…" he pulled a face. "Might sound better coming from you."

"Probably." he took a deep breath. "Finn. Jesse and I are together. I would appreciate if you accepted this and didn't question it. Jesse is repeating his senior year at McKinley High and he is determined on helping us win Nationals this year. If you want to tell me how wrong or stupid this all is, save it, I've heard it all from Mercedes."

Finn just stared at them blankly, then turned around and left the room.


	4. Love Montage

Jesse looked at Kurt, who was staring at the spot where Finn had disappeared from. "Are…are you okay?"

He sighed. "No. Seeing him…looking at us like that…"

Jesse felt a pang somewhere in his chest. "Do you still have feelings for him?"

"What?" Kurt faced him. "No! No, it's just…he was looking at us…full of hatred. Disgust. I didn't expect that… especially not from Finn…"

"Kurt…he'll…I mean… look, honestly, what did you expect? How did you expect him to react? Any different to Mercedes? Any different to how the others will? It's _me_."

"But it's not Jesse, is it? Because they don't know you…"

"They know what I _did_…"

"…under Ms Corcoran's instructions! Who isnt even coaching Vocal Adrenaline anymore! It's not fair, Jesse!"

"You'll have a tough time convincing everyone of that." Jesse looked him in the eye. "I'm not going to let it get to me."

"Me either, but…"

"No, Kurt. No buts. There is no but."

"I…I know. I'm in this. One hundred percent. I want us… and other people arent going to change that. I'm not going to let it get me down."

Jesse smiled, and put his arm around him as he gently rested against his shoulder.

_Two Months Later, Late August._

Kurt stood outside McKinley Highs Auditorium, sighing heavily before turning the key in the lock and pushing the doors open. Mr Shuester had given him keys last month when Kurt had mentioned to him he needed somewhere to 'let it all out' once in a while.

He and Jesse had been dating for two months, much not to the approval of the Glee Club. Only Mr Shue seemed to be on Jesse's side - and Rachel seemed unusually upset about it. Mercedes hadnt spoken to him properly since their argument and Finn moved in with Puck for the summer - they seemed to have buried the hatchet. And all the other qualms they had with eachother. That was what best friends were for, Kurt supposed. Like he'd know.

But apart from that everything was going fine with Jesse - great, in fact. Better than he ever thought it could be. But it was just too…complicated. So complicated he had to sing about it three or more times a day. Sometimes he wished they could go back to that perfect kiss in the car…then forget about eachother.

As he wandered up onto the stage and looked at his imaginary audience, his eyes filed with tears.

"_I saw him once _

_Then he was gone _

_We were like dreamers at night _

_Who meet as in a trace, then part again! _

_Two phantoms in the shadows of the moon _

_Can people really fall in love so soon? _

_He walked alone _

_He seemed alone like me _

_Could he have known_

_ That moment was my destiny? _

_I had to run away, And it was like a dream _

_I saw him once _

_The dream was true _

_I saw him once, And once will do!_

_In my life_

_I have all that I want, you are loving and gentle and good _

_in your eyes I am just like a child who is lost in a wood…"_

Kurt jumped as he heard a second, very familiar voice coming from the side of the stage. Jesse.

"_In my life_

_he has burst like the music of angels the light of the sun_

_And my life seems to have stop as if something is over _

_and something scarcely has begun!"_

But another, quiet, barely audiable voice joined Jesse from the door of the auditorium. _Rachel? _Kurt thought, stunned.

"_In my life,_

_There is someone who touches my life…"_

"_Waiting near." _Jesse slowly walked towards Kurt. "_Waiting here."_

He looked over at the door. Rachel had disappeared. Had he been imagining it? He looked back at Jesse, who was staring at him intensely before continuing with the song.

"_A heart full of love_

_A heart full of song_

_I`m doing everything all wrong_

_Oh God, for shame_

_I do not even know your name_

_Dear mademoiselle_

_I am lost, in your spell!"_

Kurt couldn't help but smile. "_A Heart Full of Love. A heart full of you."_

"_These words are foolish but they're true. Oh Kurt, do tell, oh, were we dreaming when we met?"_

"_Who can say?"_

"_Who can tell?"_

"_A Heart full of love…"_

"_He was never mine to lose. Why regret what could not be? These are words he'll never say. Not to me. Not for me…."_

Kurt turned sharply on his heel. This time, Rachel was definitely standing behind him and Jesse…

"Rachel?" Jesse said in surprise. "What the hell…"

"I'm sorry…I…still love you." she choked on her last words, then ran off stage before Jesse could react.

"What just happened?" he said blankly.

"Now I know why Rachel's been crying every time I try to talk to her about you." Kurt sighed.

"Well…you make a fantastic Cosette. _Madmoiselle_." he cracked a grin.

"You wouldn't make a bad Marius yourself. And Rachel is _so_ Eponine."

It wasn't really funny, but they both collapsed in heaps of laughter on the floor, and Jesse reconed Kurt actually cracked a rib when he compared Mr Shue to Jean Valjean and Coach Sylvester as Inspector Javert.

They finally caught their breath and sat up right, leaning against eachother slightly.

"How did you know I was here?" Kurt mumbled.

"I knew where you've been going all summer." Jesse shrugged. "I wanted to give you some privacy, but you seemed really upset today."

"Yeah, I was." he bit his lip. "Was having some doubts. But they're all gone now." he smiled and leaned forward to kiss him, but Jesse stopped him.

"Kurt…" he said. "I…have to tell you something…"

"What?…What is it?" he pulled away cautiously.

"It's… it's nothing bad…it's just..." he took a deep breath. "I love you."

"Wait, what?" Kurt stared at him.

"I really do. I mean, seriously Kurt, I am…so in love with you. You make me…feel so…happy. I can be myself around you. You're the best friend I've ever had and you're the most amazing person. You're so strong… I feel so lucky to have you. Please tell me you feel the…same?"

Kurt couldn't speak. He tried to force out a reply but all that came out was a sob, and then he realised he was crying.

"Happy tears. Please be happy tears." Jesse grinned hopefully as he leaned over to brush the tears out of his eyes with his sleeve.

"You're crying them too." he managed to choke out.

"So I am." he shrugged, then stroked his cheek before pulling him onto his lap and kissing him slowly, savouring every moment, as they held eachother in a tight embrace.

"I love you too, by the way." Kurt whispered as he lay his head upon his shoulder, closing his eyes. "You're perfect. This is perfect. Then again, last time you said a moment was perfect, Finn walked in on us."

"Rachel could walk in right now and kidnap me and it couldn't ruin my happiness. Actually…that would just scare me."

"How about the thought that tomorrow you're starting senior year again?" Kurt smirked.


	5. Back For More

Kurt climbed into Jesse's car the next morning. It was earlier than he'd usually leave for school, but Jesse had to go for a meeting with Principal Figgins, and he wanted to go in with him for moral support. "Are you okay?" he asked cautiously as the engine rumbled and the car reversed out of his driveway.

Jesse pulled a face. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

He sighed. "Jesse, it's me you're talking to, you don't have to put up a front."

"I'm not. But theres no fuss, is there? I've been to McKinley before, haven't I?"

"That's not the point Jesse. I meant us being seen,_ together_."

"Would you rather we pretended not to be?"

"No, I'm not saying that -"

"And I'm not ashamed. Okay? I don't care where I end up fitting in. I want to kick Vocal Adrenaline's ass at Regionals, I want to graduate Senior Year without their interferance, and I want you. Besides, if I'd been off to UCLA this year, we wouldn't be able to be seen together, because wouldn't be together!"

Kurt gently put his hand on his leg. "I know. Okay? I'm sorry." he hesitated. "Jess...if you'd gone to L.A... what would have happened with us?"

"I don't know. I just...don't know. I probably wouldn't have let myself fall in love with you. And I would have made the biggest mistake of my life."

"You can hardly say that, we've only been dating two months." he gave a small laugh.

Jesse looked over at him, then pulled over at the side of the street. "Oh, you think? Kurt, where are we?"

He looked around. "The... The place where we first kissed?"

He nodded. "Yes. And didn't you feel it? Like...like in those shadows of the moon, that kiss, that moment, was our destiny?"

"Of course." Kurt replied, feeling touched. "And...and I love you..."

"And I love you, Kurt. And maybe it's stupid to pretend I'm going to walk into that school and be left alone, but could you at least just tell me it's all going to be okay?"

"Of course it's going to be okay, Jesse." he said soothingly, gently stroking his cheek before wrapping his arms around his neck, reaching up to meet his lips. A shiver ran down his spine as he felt Jesse's hands move up his back, under his shirt. There were no words to describe how he felt as they drew even closer together, lifting Kurt out of his seat and almost onto his lap as they continued their embrace, their mouths growing hungrier for eachother than ever before…

"Shall we take this to the backseat?" Kurt mumbled against his lips, and Jesse obliged, pulling away momentarily so they could climb, awkwardly, into the back, before they started it again, Jesse moving away from his lips and focusing in making his way down his jaw and his neck, then fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. Kurt had no idea what was happening, but he went with it, allowing him to remove his shirt and begin kissing his chest.

"Oh." he moaned ever so slightly, causing Jesse to stop. "No, keep…keep going." he breathed.

But he shook his head, and pulled Kurt into and upright position, holding his hands in his. "This is a big deal, Kurt."

"I know…but…I'm ready. I love _you, _I want _you._"

"And I love you. So much. Which is why we arent going to do this here. Five minutes in the backseat of my messy car…you deserve so much more for your first time."

"What was yours like?" Kurt blurted out.

Jesse laughed. "Not good. And I've never been with a guy before…so this is new to me too, you know."

"I guess I never thought of that. To be honest I've been trying not to think about this kind of thing all summer."

"It's scary alright." he shrugged. "But it'll be great. We love eachother. It's going to be the most beautiful moment of our youth… I know it is. Wherever we do it. But just…not when we have to be in school in five minutes."

"Yeah. Now I have time to worry about this obsessively." but he grinned and suddenly found a new pleasure when Jesse's lips met his and his hand softly caressed his cheek.

"No worrying." he whispered before planting a last, lingering kiss on his mouth before withdrawing, sueezing his hand and hopping back into the drivers seat.

Fifteen minutes later Jesse was sitting in Principal Figgins' office, while Kurt was waiting for him outside.

"Mr St James."

"Principal Figgins."

"Good to see you back at McKinley. Hopefully for good this time?"

"Absolutely, sir."

"Very well then. A few of the Glee Club members have expressed their concerns about you…"

"Already?"

"Mr Shue passed them onto me. He thinks it would be good if you made a formal apology at your first Glee rehearsal this afternoon."

"Oh." Jesse looked surprised. "Of course. I feel truly awful for the way I treated Rachel and betrayed my team mates."

"I'm sure you do. Also, a little birdie tells me you have a…_thing _going on with Kurt Hummel of the Glee Club."

"I do, but I'm sorry, I'm not prepared to discuss my personal realtionships with you, meaning no disrespect."

"Some people are just very worried that your intentions are not pure…"

Great, Jesse thought, now the principal is suspicious of me.

"I can assure you that I am deeply in love with Kurt and that I could never hurt him or anything he loves, but that's all I feel comfortable discussing with a teacher. This is my private life, but I admire the fact that you are so concerned for your students welfare."

Figgins seemed reasonably happy with this response, and let him go.

"How did it go?" Kurt asked anxiously when Jesse rejoined him.

"It was alright. We mainly talked about you." he raised his eyebrows. "Seems lke everyones looking out for you, Mr Popular."

Kurt smiled. "Well, there's no need for them to be concerned."

The boys linked hands as they set off down the hallway, and didn't let go until they had to go their separate ways to their first class.


	6. It Gets Better

"I really want to kiss you right now." Kurt muttered as he let go of Jesse's hand as the bell went for their first class.

"Then why don't you?"

"Just…because… not here, alright?"

He looked him in the eyes. "Kurt… people already know you're gay. Kissing another guy wont change anything, what else can those homophobic morons do to you?"

"It's not me I'm worried about, it's you! They havent touched you yet!"

"I can deal with them!"

"Well, so can I!"

"No, Kurt. I see the pain in your eyes when somebody makes a comment about you. The doubts. For fucks sake, Kurt, you hate yourself!"

He flinched. "Just…just leave it Jesse." he turned on his heel and started to walk away, but Jesse grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

"Are we ever going to talk about this?"

"About what?"

He sighed in exasperation. "We don't talk about anything! Kurt, I love you so much, you have no idea how much I really do, but…we need to start opening up to eachother! We never talk about conflict! Yesterday, in the auditorium? Rachel barging in? And the reason you were there in the first place? We don't talk about any threats to our relationship! You didn't talk to any of the other Glee Clubbers all summer, you let Finn move out, I havent even met your father -"

"Did you ever think that maybe I just don't want you to know some things about me?" Kurt burst out.

"Well, that's fine! I just thought we were on the same page here! I thought we were both serious about this relationship…"

"I am -"

"But you still want to keep secrets from me? Lock parts of your life away?"

"MAYBE I just don't want this to end, Jesse! If you knew some of the stuff about me that I've been trying to keep from you, you'd run a mile!"

Jesse stared at him, stunned. "I doubt anything you have to hide could make me stop loving you. This is exactly what I mean! Do you understand how I feel about you?"

"No! I don't!"

"Do you want me to explain my love for you, Kurt? Because I could go on all night -"

"But why _me_? What is wrong with your brain that you actually fell for me? What is it about me that is so redeeming to Jesse St James? Because it seems to me, we're out of proportion. You were always popular at Carmel, you were sought after, good looking, extremely talented…everything I'm not."

"If that's what you think about yourself…" he shook his head. "It's you who has a problem with your brain."

"If you're going to give me some pity speech about -"

"It's not pity. Jesus, what happened to you that has made you loathe yourself so much, deep down? Because a few moronic football players could not have this effect on you -"

"I just don't want anyone to lie to me…"

"Fine. Let me be honest." he gently took his hand in his. "First of all, yes, maybe I was popular, and sought after and whatever, but why? I wasn't being me. We've had these discussions. I went out of my way to pretend I'm straight, for gods sake. You've been clear about who you are since you've known it yourself, and no popularity is better than being popular for the wrong reasons. And you are probably the most beautiful male soprano I have ever heard, especially of your age, so don't you dare even imply you arent as talented as me. And…you know I think you're beautiful, Kurt. It goes without saying. Other people don't see you the way I see you." he grinned. "It's not lying. It's looking at things another way."

He cracked a smile. "You sure do know me, St James. Using lines from Wicked on me. Very manipulative, you know."

Jesse laughed and pulled his boyfriend in a tight embrace. "You're the only person I've ever loved, and the only person I will ever love." he sighed, kissing the top of his head.

"You know this how?" Kurt mumbled against his neck.

"I just have a feeling." he pulled away from him. "Now, how about we get to class? Twenty minutes late on the first day…"

"Oh crap, you're right." he flung his schoolbag over his shoulder. "See you at lunch?"

When Kurt came in late to his English class, he mumbled words of apology to his teacher and then sat down at the back of the room on his own. He could see a few of the Glee Clubbers but he didn't want to sit with them, not befoe they'd all talked…

He managed to avoid them all the way until lunch, which was when he went to find Jesse. He wasn't sure where he'd be so he just hung around the cafeteria for a while…it was a big mistake.

He was standing there, leaning against the wall, facing the entrance, looking at the people coming in, not aware of whatever was going on behind him…until he was violantly attacked with a plate of food over his head.

"WHAT THE HELL." he wheeled around, more furious than he would usually be…just to get a faceful of slushie. The drink stung in his eyes, and all he could hear was the taunting laughter of probably a group of footballers.

"Have a nice summer, homo?" One of them jeered as he finally managed to open his eyes. "Man I'd hit you but I wouldn't wanna get your gay aids!" but the jock seemed to have reconsidered his no physical contact statement as he gave him a swift kick in the shin, and soon enough the whole gang were on top of him.

Kurt had been thrown up against lockers, tossed into bins and pushed into bike stands before, but never had he feared for his life, never had he felt the pain of 6 pairs of fists pounding every inch of his body, his hair almost being ripped out of his head, football boots stamping on him…he went deaf, blind, and numb, and before he could even think of why no teacher was stopping this, they seemed to have got bored because he could vaguely hear, as if he were underwater, the jocks laughing and stepping over his beaten body. He lay there, keeping his eyes closed, and then tried to stand. But maybe it was the pain, the loss of energy, or the fact that he had nothing to stand for that made this task impossible.

And then he blacked out.

Kurt opened his eyes. He was lying in a white room… but where was he…he craned his neck…and it took him a few moments to realise he was in the nurses office. It took him a few more seconds to realise that his hand was being held by another, a very clammy and sweaty one.

"Jesse?" he looked over at his boyfriend, who's face was white as a sheet yet his eyes were swollen red. "Are you okay?"

He spluttered. "Kurt, you're the one who got beaten within an inch of your life -"

"Wait, what?" and then he remembered, and suddenly felt the pain all over his body again. "Oh…I…"

"Shush." he liften his hand to his mouth and kissed it. "Shh. Don't think about it, love."

"Have you been…crying?"

"I saw you…lying there…all curled up and bruised, everyone just stepping over you…I had no idea that's what it was like…"

"Jess, that's the first time it's happened to me. Something like that…"

"Well its not going to be the last if you don't report them."

"Nobody even flinched when it was happening…"

"It was assault!"

"On school grounds! And if nobody looked, nobody saw, nothing ever happened. That's how it works around here."

"I'm not sure I like it."

"I don't think I do, either." he smiled slightly, then regretted it. Any movement in his face was causing him severe pain.

"I'm so worried about you." Jesse sniffed, wiping a tear from his eye. "I don't want this stuff happening to you. I'd rather it was me…"

"Don't even go there. And…I don't want to talk about this. I just want to go home."

"I'll sort that out for you." he leaned over and gently kissed his lips. "I love you."

"It'll get better, Jesse. For me. For us."

"I know." he smiled. "We'll just have to keep surviving."


	7. Like A Dagger In Me

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Jesse said anxiously as Kurt curled up in his bed. "Until your dad gets home at least?"

"Please do." he held out his hand and Jesse took it as he sat down on the bed beside him. It was like a comfort to both of them, having something to hold on to. "You can meet him then if you want."

He smiled. "Really?"

"Our conversation today made me realise you should. And you should be involved in every aspect of my life… because you're right, this is…it. I love you and you're the only person I could ever see myself loving so much…and we've only been together two months."

"Just goes to show." he murmured as he lay on his side, facing his boyfriend, his arm securely around him. "Sometimes you just know."

"Jesse…how do I look? I mean, injury wise, how bad is it?"

He surveyed his boyfriends appearance for a moment, and smiled sadly. "Your face is practically black and blue, your hair is sticky, there are scratches all over your neck, your foot is about 10 times its size, your clothes are ripped…" he gently began to remove his tattered $100 shirt, exposing his also very badly bruised chest "…jesus, they should have sent you to hospital with all this!"

"And get all the enquiries that go with it? Get real, Jess."

"I know, but this…this isnt right. It's just…sad."

"Am I a fright to look at?"

"You're still the most beautiful person in the world to me, apart from myself."

"Naturally."

"Fact of life, really."

"I'm starting to doubt whether there is room for your massive ego in this relationship."

"I'm sure you could make room for it, you'll probably agree with what it says most of the time. Just don't go marrying my ego, it's big enough."

Kurt hesitated. "Well…what about marrying you?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I know same sex marriages arent legal in Ohio yet but… but would it be a possibility, if we're still together in five, ten years, is it something you would…want?"

"Nothing," Jesse kissed his forehead "would make me happier than to marry you someday. Although I would assume we'd disagree on a lot of the planning."

"We'd definitely hire a fabulous wedding planner."

"We'd provide the music ourselves though, considering we're so talented and will probably be Tony Award Winning Broadway Stars."

"Goes without saying."

That conversation they had that afternoon made Kurt feel happier than he had ever felt, and distracted him from the pain he felt all over his body. It was an hour later when he finally heard Burt Hummel arrive home.

"Kurt?" he was calling out.

"I'm down here, dad!"

His fathers footsteps were loud as he ran down into his basement bedroom.

"Oh my god." he said as he saw the injuries. "I only just got a call from the school…I didn't think it was this bad…" he rushed over to his bedside. "And…who are you?" he said, finally noticing Jesse.

"Mr Hummel, it's so good to meet you." Jesse said in his most charming voice, sitting up and shaking his hand. "My name is Jesse St James. I'm Kurt's boyfriend. I was keeping him company until you arrived."

"You're the boyfriend, then? How long has this been going on? I thought you had someone, Kurt…" but Burt shook all such thoughts from his mind as he reminded himself that his son was seriously injured. "Why didn't they take you to hospital?"

"Because they don't like acknowledging theres homophobic bullying at school, because they don't like acknowledging there are LGTB students at McKinley." Kurt said in monotone. "Dad, I'm fine. I really am. I think I need to go to sleep, so if you both…"

Jesse was surprised, but stood up and leaned down to kiss him and tell him he loved him, before saying his goodbye to Burt and walking out the door. There had been something strange about that, but maybe Kurt had thought it was a bit too much - he'd call him later that night.

Kurt just needed some alone time. When he was sure his dad was no longer so worried and engrossed in some kind of match on the television and there was no danger of Jesse walking in unannounced, he reached out under his bed and pulled out his razor.

It wasn't something he did often - it was just something to release all his emotions.

He ran the device down his arm, and felt heaven wash over him. Every cut was a beautiful release.

As much as he loved Jesse and knew he loved him too, there was nothing else good in his life.


End file.
